R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
