You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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