its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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