the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
