im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just cropdusted the office
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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