Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize