fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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