I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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