Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
