I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
