It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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