Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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