What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
