I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
