Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I will be naked everywhere
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.