can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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