Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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