I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
