My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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