drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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