i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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