I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
