she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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