mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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