I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think my moral compass just broke
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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