Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
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after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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