So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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