This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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