do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS