I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
two words: eviction party
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
