He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".