If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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