Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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