i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
