They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
