I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
