I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
