your thong is hanging out like whoa
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
