Kiss
Puke
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
