You work out of a Hotel?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
