Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
