just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
