i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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