Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
