I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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