he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
