Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
