thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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