That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
