omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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