He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
