I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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