never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
