i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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