What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
