i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
