Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
