Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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