In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
being pregnant is like rehab
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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