Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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