can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
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"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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