My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Vodka?
Forever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
