you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
