Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
