Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
