i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
