im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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