i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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