well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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