I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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