I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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