last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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