someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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