My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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